‘“Come!” say the Spirit and the Bride.
Whoever hears, echo, “Come!”
Is anyone thirsty? Come!
All who will, come and drink,
Drink freely of the Water of Life!’ –Revelation 22:17 (The Message)
Last Wednesday, Jud and I attended a gathering that discussed how to have a conversation between opposing viewpoints. The 1 hour 15 minute drive took 2 hours in Denver rush-hour traffic. Why did we go? We feel desperate. Desperate for spiritual nourishment. Desperate for unity (not uniformity). Desperate to meet at a table where others can disagree and still like each other. At The Refuge, we found a diverse group–a lawyer who’s a pilot, ‘FedEx’ who’s a pastor of a biker church, a man who runs a ministry for homeless youth, a man and woman who are friends and co-pastor equally this group of normally unconnected people.
We felt refreshed.
We felt for the first time in a long time that we belonged.
We felt hope.
The co-pastors don’t agree on how to live out controversies over same-sex marriage; but neither of them walk away from the discussion. Neither of them have trumped the other with hermeneutics or the-Bible-clearly-says conversation killers. They have both put their friendship first; and out of that love and care for each other, they disagree on a few things. I found myself tearing up often during the evening because I realize most of my more conservative friends refuse to open the conversation. It seems that they believe that to admit there may be another way to view and interpret the Bible opens the doors to Hell. Just the discussion becomes ‘a slippery slope’ and puts us in league with Satan.
How did the conversation become so ‘evil’? When did people decide to shut down discussion at all costs, because to entertain another viewpoint means we affirm it? When did our integrity become so fragile that we will only associate with those of homogenous thinking for fear of someone labeling us ‘guilty by association’? When did the ‘issues’ become the line in the sand that we will not cross?
In talking with a friend the day after the event, it dawned on me how difficult it is to find people in the conservative camp willing to dialogue in a respectful way (and I am sure there are many in the conservative camp that feel the same way about the progressive camp). The ones I know believe that just the dialogue compromises their beliefs. One thing that sticks with me from the gathering on Wednesday is that we define ‘unity’ as black and white meeting in the middle and both becoming gray. In reality, one of the co-pastors said that it’s more like polka dots on a solid background.
How do we learn to co-habitate with one another without fearing our polka dot will dissolve into the background color?
We can focus on God–Father, Christ, Holy Spirit. He is the background color (which probably is gray). All our black and white polka dots (and every other color in the spectrum) are found in Him. We all, no matter our views on ‘issues’, carry a piece of His perspective. Every time I want to yell IDIOT! because I think some policy unjust or unfair in the Christian world, I can breathe and remember that the person who created the policy or procedure comes from a sincere belief. I can remember to respect the person’s heart–as I’ve wanted others to respect mine in my growth.
Regardless of what some Christian leaders proclaim, I do believe that we can find a ‘third way’ of unity. A way where all are welcome, respected, given dignity. The co-pastor that represented the more evangelical thought said that policies are conversation killers. As soon as a church forms an official policy, how can there be open dialogue? Yet, in our institutional, systematic approach to church, how can we not have policies to help people decide if they can live with the beliefs of the particular church. Ideally, I’d love to see more churches and pastors able to set policies and personal beliefs aside in order to have messy, potentially-offending, learning-humilty-and-other-focussed-living congregations. Maybe it’s a Sesame Street dream; but I choose to dream.
I don’t believe that all churches can become ‘third way’ churches. I’m not sure it would be healthy. If we really believe that following Jesus is a journey, we need all sorts of gathering places to accommodate all sorts of belief systems. How can a person with strong conservative beliefs suddenly be expected to worship alongside a gay couple (without malice, distraction and a hardening heart)? How can a person passionate and committed to advocating marriage equality suddenly be expected to worship in a community that denies church membership to gay people who are in relationships (without malice, distraction and a hardening of heart)? I may be romantic in my thinking; but I’m also pragmatic.
Many need to know the stability of boundaries with controversial issues; but some of us need the messiness of ‘third way’ gatherings. We need the opposing views, because we believe what makes us different, makes us interesting. We find safety in seeing unity in the midst of disagreement; because if God isn’t threatened by our humble questioning, then why are we so threatened by opposing thoughts? We want to truly believe that all are welcome without shame and without restrictions. We want to believe that we are one, just as Jesus and the Father are one. We want to believe that opposing views don’t eject us from the faith, and that brothers and sisters really do live in unity.
Or, at least, that it’s possible.
I’d love to hear from you! What do you think of the growing ‘third way’ gathering? Is it possible to live in unity with opposing viewpoints?