“Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” –Matthew 11:29
This week, I discovered that a friend ‘unfriended’ me on Facebook. Oh, it didn’t surprise me. Not really. While we knew and liked each other years ago, geographical distance had taken its toll on our lives. We rarely had seen each other outside of church when we lived in the same state; but I truly had thought of her as a kindred spirit when it came to family and passion for God. I knew we didn’t agree on much politically, and perhaps interpreted certain Bible verses from different angles; however, none of that mattered to me, because those differences didn’t define who she is to me. She has gone toe to toe with me on some of my more political comments. She challenged and engaged me with scripture. She encouraged me to use my writing for good and not evil. It appears that I crossed a line in my views that she could no longer tolerate. Apparently, she didn’t share the same attitude that what makes us different makes us interesting.
So, she did what has become the schoolyard snub and ‘unfriended’ me.
I don’t know that she hates me (that would be un-Christian); but if she secretly reviles me for my views, I’m not offended. I’ve been hated and reviled before–at times, even I can admit it was justified. Because I’ve always loved words, and especially creating them on blank canvasses, words tend to get me into trouble. Being an extrovert, words flow out of my mouth, often before I think through the thoughts. So, I have apologized time and again and will continue to apologize, I’m sure. However, I don’t ask anyone to apologize for their opinions and I offer no apology for mine. I do offer a seat in my home for discussion–even heated discussion–without fear of shame or rejection. Don’t put me up on a pedestal. I can be more sophomoric than the next person (and I have a few friends who can attest to the lengths of my immaturity); but in situations of differing philosophies, ideologies and interpretations, I am broad-minded and tough-skinned. I don’t think my friend will invite me to share her table any time soon. Too bad, because I still make her mother-in-law’s sweet potato casserole for Thanksgiving every year–delicious!
In reflecting on my friend’s snub, I wondered why it bothered me so much. I don’t often get caught up in rejection–not that it doesn’t bother me at all; but rejection isn’t one of my prominent insecurities or issues. So, as I sat with my feelings of loneliness, my thoughts turned to Syria, Egypt, Israel/Palestine, America and all the dead-in-the-water negotiations our world has tried to garner diplomatically. If ‘friends’ can’t get along with differing views, is it possible to expect national leaders to act reasonably? If only ‘they’ could see ‘our’ point rationally. Surely, we can talk it out and break the cycles of tyranny, oppression and revenge. Surely, people (especially leaders) want good for their people and the rest of the world. Surely, national leaders envision the consequences of their actions. Surely, people want to eradicate evil in our world. Except that most people don’t admit we have to eradicate that evil from within ourselves, and not others, first. Part of the problem we face is that we want to see humility in the person we face, while we keep our own pride. Do you see that in leaders like Assad who defiantly assert their power regardless of whether their actions are humane or sane?
I remember conversations in our last presidential election and all the issues debated privately and publicly. At one point, I stopped caring about the issues and said that I was tired of arrogant men. I would vote for a person with some humility. My candidate didn’t come close to winning. In our schoolyard tussles, aren’t pride, arrogance, superiority and power the driving forces? If we can’t stop our own selfishness, how can we hope to eradicate global selfishness? It always begins with us.
As I follow-up with Pope Francis’ encouragement for people of all faiths to fast and pray this weekend for Syria, the Middle East and the rest of the world, my heart prays for humility in our global leaders, humility in our spiritual leaders, humility in my own heart. Humility is the foundation for understanding another point of view. Humility creates an atmosphere of negotiation. Humility begets flexibility, kindness and reasonableness. Humility won’t allow one-upmanship and doesn’t do anything to teach “them” a lesson.
And I find that as I exercise these ancient traditions of prayer and fasting, my own heart softens toward my friend. My knee-jerk reaction to reject her at a higher level and ‘block’ her on Facebook (because that would really show her) loses its power and I can let go of the hurt. I begin to realize that if all of us would take time to regularly humble ourselves, we really can affect change in our world–end hunger, global warming, genocides, sex-trades, prejudice and hate crimes–because the problems our world faces are problems in our own hearts. The more we find our own selfishness unacceptable, the better chance we have of electing officials who have done the same, the better the chance that we will work together to find answers that don’t include weapons of mass destruction.
For my part, I humbly offer a seat at the table for my friend’s point of view. Because I still believe that our differences make us interesting, and we need those differences to help us see the whole picture–and not just our own little corner.
Have you experienced the power of humility either in yourself or through a leader? What are some other traits that you appreciate in relationships?